a tale of a few cities

Age Defying

Posted in trawling the net by petercombe on November 10, 2008

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The following appeared several weeks ago on the internet. It ends so hilariously, i had to post it.

The Material Girl reportedly threw quite the materialistic bash following her Boston show, reserving an entire floor of the Ritz Carlton for her and her entourage to debauch until the sun came up. Or someone pulled the fire alarm – as the case was.

But Madonna herself peaced out once her bedtime hit. Otherwise she would have turned into a pumpkin. Or the Wicked Witch, depending on your point of view.

Meanwhile, as Madonna’s lawyers arm themselves for the upcoming court battle, Guy claims to want no more than a division of the couple’s properties and a lump sum.

The money is not as great an issue as custody of the children is. Ritchie is desperate to keep his 8-year-old son in England because he wants Rocco to grow up a London lad. Madonna, however, wants the kids in the States.

A pal tells The Daily Mail, “‘The idea that he [Rocco] will be across the Atlantic from Guy most of the time is tearing him [Ritchie] apart.”

Poor former Mr. Madonna!

But really, what was he thinking when he hooked up with Her Madgesty?

Insiders say that the marriage “became less about passion and more about control” as Madonna’s strange age-defiant rituals emerged.

In addition to forbidding them from watching TV, Madonna reportedly kept her family, and Guy, on a short leash, with strict dietary rules. At dinner everyone ate steamed fish with seasonal vegetables, and for breakfast, Madonna made Guy drink zero-fat smoothies. If Guy wanted a treat, he’d have to sneak down to the pub for one.

Instead of spending time with the fam, Madge spent more time at the gym with her personal trainer, much to the dismay of her husband. And at night, instead of a good old romp in the sack, Madonna preferred to spend hours bathing in pricey creams and zipping herself up in a plastic body bag, which is an ancient alien anti-aging method.

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